Fake energy, stay far away.

This year I only want to be around people that love me, not those that pretend they do.

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“But she wouldn’t do that to me, we have been friends for so long. ” A common tale. As social animals, man tends to reach out to those around them to establish bonds called friendship but in today’s society, most of these ties have become emotionally draining and don’t necessarily give you the zeal to associate.

These days, you may think you know someone so well. You think there isn’t a knife in your back. And then they twist it. (popularly known as backstabbing.)

I am sure most of you know how to identify fake friends so I won’t get deep into it. (unless otherwise)

A scene from F. R. I. E. N. D. S (a popular series)

Once we leave high school, we see who your real friends are. You learn that people change. Someone who you thought was your best friend will cut you off completely. Some of us enter high school with plenty of friends and end with only a few close ones. Others of us enter high school with only a few close friends and end with no friends at all. It’s just how life is. It’s like that sometimes. It is awful but it happens to almost everyone.

But then the big questions are:

Are you a real friend to your friends? Are these real friends to you?

Identify your real friends then try to keep them so that you don’t keep the cycle of fake friends going.

1. Be kind to your friends and listen to them. Discarding your friends’ opinions or concerns can get you a spot as a fake friend especially if your friend is usually on the listening end of your troubles so try to listen to them even if you feel like what they are saying to you is not so relevant.

2. When a person trusts you, value that trust. Getting to trust someone is not easy so when someone entrusts you with information or a secret, treasure that and do not tell on them. Betraying someone is one of the traits of a fake friend.

3. Do not try to be friends with everyone. I read a quote somewhere that said, “A friend to all is a friend to none. ” and I concur. I believe that no one would want to trust someone that seems to talk to everyone just in case their secrets get out. One thing to remember also is a smaller circle only means less drama.

4. Do not get in to a friendship based on expectations. If you are with someone for something other than love and mutual understanding, then I’ll have you know that you have merely made that person your acquaintance and you should not make them rely on you as a friend.

5. Love and love genuinely. Love from the bottom of your heart. Love unconditionally. Love even in their toughest moments. Real friends are always there no matter how hard a situation is.

Real friends contribute to someone having mental peace and if you aren’t one, please stop keeping someone up all night thinking they have something wrong with them. Be all in or not at all and see how your friendships get better.
I’ll expand on this topic if need be.

To your health ❤

Confessions of a Socialholic

Social media applications should not be a drug in our lives.

According to Urban Dictionary,
Socialholic (adj.) is A person with a severe dependency on social networks.
Accepting that you are a Socialholic is rather difficult and it is almost hard to realize that you are one. But do you frequently post, comment and read the feeds of your friends and the people you follow with complete disregard to those around you? If the answer to this is positive, then you just might be a Socialholic.

Let us just do a small Q&A where you get to keep the answers to yourself.
1. When you wake up, do you check your social media? Such as your twitter or Instagram or Pinterest or Facebook instead of ordinarily going about your day?
2. How constantly do you obsess over your followers on twitter or Instagram? The likes on your posts, the retweets on your tweets, the comments on your YouTube videos, the saves on your pins? All these small actions unconsciously contribute to your likelihood of being a Socialholic.
3. How many times in a conversation with your mates do you “casually” mention your latest posts or the number of views on your video or actually tell them to like your posts?
4. Do you ever go through a rather private situation and you feel like posting it on your WhatsApp status or Instagram story to get pity from the people that view it?
5. Do you frequently think about what people are going to think when you post something? Do you also end up deleting it when the likes or views are not as many as you hoped they’d be?
6. When someone asks you what you possibly can’t live without, is your phone the first thing you think about? That’s okay but do you think about how you won’t be able to keep up with something on your social media? If yes, there you have it.

If the answers to this are mostly positive, you are probably a Socialholic. It is okay to get defensive about it too. No one likes to feel like they are getting hooked on to something that doesn’t have much life. Personally, there were a whole lot of reasons I gave before I accepted that I had a tiny problem. One of them was, most of my friends are far away from me so my phone is the only way I could stay in touch with them. In reality, that was true but there are alternatives I could have and finally considered instead of just succumbing to that.
Being a Socialholic can also mean you have an uncontrollable desire to need to share every event that happens to you on social networking sites.
That’s okay. To want to share everything that happens to you on social media but you have to be wary sometimes. In the world we live in now, not everyone in our lives wants to see us happy. Some people celebrate when we are in pain or when life is not exactly going well for us. So you need to keep some things private. You owe yourself that.
You probably think this is something unimportant but maybe it is one of the reasons that your mental health is not as good as you wish it was. Mental health is a very important factor in making us the people we are. Being able to have a sound emotional mindset is a vital key tp happiness.
As we have tackled some of the few signs of one being a Socialholic, let’s see some ways you can tone it down.

1. Acceptance is key. A line I have been told in every counseling session I have been for is this. Accept you have a something to fix then do something about it. Before you accept that, you can’t change because you can not change what you think you don’t have. Once you work on that, it takes us to the next step.

2. Detoxify. The mind is part of the body and it too should have it’s own time to make peace with itself and be okay. You can do this by :
• Connect with your spirituality. For those that believe that a greater power governs us, sit down in a quiet place, shut your eyes and connect with that spirit.
Pray to your God or gods to give you the peace of mind and strength to keep loving yourself enough not to be disoriented by the fake expectations that social media society is creating. That will put you in charge of your emotions and you will definitely feel more refreshed.
• Taking breaks off social media. You do not have to deactivate or delete your account. Just uninstall the app for a couple of days til you get your vibe again.
• Unfollow people that make you feel bad about yourself. I read a quote somewhere that said, “Comparison will kill you” and truer words were never spoken.

When some people log on to Instagram, they sometimes look at those Instagram models and unconsciously compare themselves to those models. Yeah unconsciously. This happens when you save a post and feel awful that you do not look as good. It is okay for it to be a motivating factor. One that pushes you on to get that new car or save for that new watch or even work out for that “bikini body” That’s all okay but if looking at those people makes you hate yourself for not being as perfect or kills your morale inside even a bit, then please uninstall the application, put down that phone, get your journal and make a list of all the good things in your life. This helps you realize your life is not as unfortunate and you become grateful. Self love is key and you can not attain that if you don’t appreciate what you have in your life. However little.

Remind yourself that some of these people are going through lengths to look that way and are merely doing all of that for “clout.”
• Do not post things to get attention. Do it because you want to. The pleasure in that Is more than satisfying and nothing will daunt you after.
• Love yourself. I will say it again. LOVE YOURSELF ❤
Appreciate yourself. You have come a long way,no matter how young you are. You have been through something no one else has been through and that is this one life you have. Give yourself some credit and be kind to yourself.
3. Take care of yourself. Spend on yourself, do makeovers, go get a hairdo, take yourself to a nice restaurant. If you want to really be like those social media models, then do something about it in a way that you benefit from.
4. More reading and less phone time. A lot of people say that they use their phones to read books and novels but the distractions are endless. I love me a paperback novel and a quiet spot where you can set your imagination on fire. That helps too.
5. Put your phone down and take know the world around you. Make new friends, visit people, a hospital if you must. There are a lot of beautiful things around us that we tend to ignore because we are too busy looking at what Is far away. That’s got to stop.
Stopping a habit is never easy, but you have got to try. Baby steps, day by day. You could meditate for thirty minutes today and an hour the next. Before you know it, you’ll become rather comfortable with or without your phone.
Try to make yourself happy with the small pleasures in life and see it get better for you. Feel free to add to this. I shall be able to publish a couple more pointers in my next post. Thanks for reading.
To your health. ❤

The Journey Begins

Hey there

Did you know, if someone hands you “You’re not good enough”, you do not have to take it? You do not have to carry it with you. Release it!

Our real journey in life is interior: it is a matter of growth, deepening and of an even greater surrender to the creative action of love and grace in our hearts.

— Thomas Merton

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

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